


Not All Gone

by purajobot935



Category: The Transformers (Cartoon Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Lost Love, M/M, Past Relationship(s), People Watching, Separations, and the twist, more tags will give away the plot, things are not what they might seem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 14:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purajobot935/pseuds/purajobot935
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Without giving away too much in the summary, Prowl and Jazz reflect and examine their relationship and each other. Is it worth hanging on to, or is it time to let go?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not All Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Original date of writing: June 2006.

Prowl watched him as he moved through the hallways of Autobot City just like he always did - the bounce in his step, the cheer in his smile - as if he hadn't a care in the world, but then, he'd been like that for as long as Prowl had known him. He never seemed to let anything get him down, even after millennia of war and mayhem. It was one of the reasons Prowl loved him.

And one of the reasons Prowl hated him.

He watched again as the other black-and-white stopped to talk to a couple of new Autobots Prowl didn’t recognize. There was that encouraging smile again as he patted each mech on the shoulder before moving on.

Prowl followed silently, keeping his distance, but still watching, waiting, hoping to see some sign that would give the other away. Some sign that would tell Prowl that he wasn’t as happy as he was making himself out to be. Yet, having been his lover for so long, Prowl knew that concealing his emotions was one of the saboteur's best skills - it was why he wore that blasted visor all the time.

He drew closer, stretching his arm out a little, debating whether or not to touch the other mech's shoulder, but then pulled his hand back. It didn’t feel right, not if he didn’t know how the other felt.

"Am I that easy to forget?" he asked in a soft whisper, before moving away.

\----------

Jazz turned around, thinking he felt someone following him, but all he saw was an empty hallway, the two mechs he'd talked to earlier having continued on their way too. He shook his head and kept walking, chiding himself for imagining things that weren't there.

These hallways felt lonely now, and he found himself wishing for the cozy narrow halls of the Ark where there would always be Autobots - friends - down every corridor and around every corner. Here at Autobot City it was quiet, too quiet sometimes, and too many dark hallways where he could almost feel the air moving around him in ways that he didn’t like.

He smiled wryly to himself. He could just picture the look on Prowl's face if he'd told him he thought Autobot City was haunted. Probably roll his optics and say there were no such things as ghosts, and don’t even think about trying to carry out an exorcism. 

At least, that’s what Prowl would have said if they were still talking to each other - which they weren't, not for some time now.

"Do you even remember me?" he murmured quietly, before continuing his walk.

\----------

Prowl stood in a corner of Autobot City's recreation room and watched as the gathered Autobots went about their tasks of unwinding after a day of work. No one paid him any attention, as well they shouldn’t. As far as most of them were concerned, he was just a mech of the past. 

Jazz was there, talking to the Twins, probably sharing some story or the other with them, he presumed from the looks on Sideswipe's and Sunstreaker's faces. He was always good at weaving a captivating tale, using words to snare a mech into believing almost anything.

Prowl should know. Jazz had done the same to him all those millions of years ago, cornering him one day, telling him he loved him and following up his words with his actions. It had been a kiss first - an innocent kiss, testing, teasing him to see if he would reciprocate. And he had. Prowl had kissed him back, cautiously at first and then with more feeling.

He couldn’t recall much more after that, it was all a blur now, except that they had only barely made it back to Jazz's room before all restraint fell apart and they gave themselves wholly to each other.

Did Jazz think of that time every night he settled into his bunk - the same bunk they'd cuddled on, slept together on, made love on, bonded on - the bunk that had also been his until he left.

"Do you miss me in your bunk now Jazz? Or have you already replaced me with someone else?" he wondered to himself, frowning.

A half-empty can of energon someone had left on the table beside him toppled to the floor. As heads began to look up, Prowl slipped away.

\----------

Jazz frowned in the direction of the sound, as he, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were interrupted in their conversation.

"That's weird," he said. "Ain’t no one there."

"One of those fragging newbies must have bumped the table," Sunstreaker replied. "Forget 'em."

Jazz's gaze lingered a little longer before he turned to face the Twins. "Well boys, its late, I think I'm gonna turn in a li'l early tonight, that patrol kinda did me in."

Wishing them all a good night, he stood and left the lounge, heading to his quarters. Behind closed doors, he went about his room settling little things around eventhough they were already neat and in their places. Each one was a memory of everything he and Prowl had shared, and eventhough they were no longer together, he still didn’t want to give them up.

A cracked datapad - a reminder of the time they first got together. Prowl had tossed it aside the moment they entered the room since he wanted both hands free to pleasure Jazz into submission. The saboteur remembered them touching him, stroking, rubbing, groping all the various parts of his body, even as he made Prowl writhe in his arms. 

The ecstasy of release had been mind-blowing, and from then on, Prowl had only gotten better at it.

"Do ya miss touchin' me now Prowl? 'Cause I sure miss touchin' you," he said to himself.

\----------

Prowl lingered outside the door to Jazz's room, trying to imagine what the other black-and-white was doing inside right now. Was he with someone? Was he alone just like Prowl was. His own body ached for his former lover's touch, wanting to be held and caressed in those arms as he laid his head on the other's shoulder. He wanted to hear Jazz tell him he still loved him and wanted him to come back to him.

But he didn’t know how to make that happen.

He hadn't been prepared for it. He hadn't wanted it to end the way it did, because he still loved Jazz and he wanted to go back to him, somehow; because right now he was all alone and he didn’t like it. If only he knew how Jazz felt about all this. He wanted to know if Jazz longed for him the same way he longed for the other black-and-white, but had never wanted to intrude on his privacy. If he didn’t though, how would he know how Jazz felt.

He had to know.

"Do you want me back?" he said to the door in front of him.

\----------

Jazz let out a soft sigh and sat on the edge of his bunk, holding the broken datapad in his hand. He stared at the blank screen for a while, his thoughts wandering to his former mate, wondering if he was happy without him; if he was happy in general. His berth felt empty without him in it, without his warm, comforting presence. Jazz missed him holding him close as they cuddled together, the soft purr of his engine as he recharged.

He ran his thumb over the cracks, remembering all those nights spent locked in a passionate embrace - but damn Prowl had a sexy dominant side - as Prowl pinned him to the berth and lavished his face and body with kisses, all the while driving him to madness with his touches and caresses.

More than those, he missed the times when Prowl would hold him in his arms and gently rock him to sleep after a particularly bad day. He wanted those back more than anything else. With Prowl, unlike anyone else, he could be himself without needing to hide behind his visor all the time.

"I want ya back Prowl," he said to the datapad.

\----------

Prowl slipped silently into Jazz's room, unable to contain himself anymore, and found the other mech sitting on his berth looking at an old, broken datapad - one that Prowl knew all too well. The saboteur gave no indication that he'd seen him, but Prowl didn’t mind. He was content just watching him for a moment. 

"I want ya back Prowl," he heard the saboteur say softly, right before a tear slipped from beneath his visor.

"Oh Jazz." Prowl's spark ached for his lover. "Please don’t cry." Not realizing what he was doing, he went over to the berth, climbed up beside Jazz and gently wrapped his arms around his mate. "I'm here. I'll always be here."

Jazz shivered and looked around, suddenly cold, eventhough the room was at standard temperature. His circuits tingled with the chill. "That you Prowl?"

"Just me, my love," Prowl replied, gently caressing his arms and shoulders.

"What're ya even doin' here man?" Jazz asked. "Y'should be gone with the others, not hangin' around here stalkin' me."

"I can’t leave, not without knowing."

"What d'ya want from me man? I can’t do anythin'. I can’t change what happened."

"I want to know you still love me, that you miss me, that you wont forget me." Prowl gently touched one of the horns on his helm.

Jazz shuddered hard at the touch, a soft moan escaping his lips. "Don’t do this Prowl. Just leave me be and get goin' already."

Prowl did nothing of the sort. He continued to touch and caress his lover till the other black-and-white was trembling with cold and need. "I can’t move on till you tell me."

"I love ya Prowl, an' I miss ya every day," Jazz said to the empty room. "I want ya back, but you ain’t mine anymore. Go on ahead."

It was enough. Prowl leaned in and kissed Jazz gently and firmly on the mouth, and Jazz for just that moment, thought he almost felt lips pressing against his in that old familiar way. He stretched his hand out, but met only cold air in front of him. Prowl rubbed his cheek against his hand, wishing they could both feel the touch, but knowing it was impossible. Jazz kissed the ghost of his dead lover back, then pulled away from the cold air surrounding him, even as Prowl's vision began to fade to white.

"So long, lover," Jazz said, his voice quivering slightly. 

He turned away, curled up on the berth and finally released weeks of pent up pain and grief in bittersweet tears that streamed down his face and onto the old datapad he still held in his hands. Prowl knew now that Jazz would be alright - they both would - and he could finally go home.

"I'll wait for you, my love," he said.

 

~END


End file.
